Topic Tuesday: Recovery

“Finding Your Now” (By: Devin Raines)

Maybe when I graduate high school I will be recovered. Maybe when I enter college I will be recovered. Or maybe when I get my first professional job I will be on top of the world. Maybe when I graduate my first recovery program all this will disappear. Maybe just maybe if I actually listen to recovery and behave then my behaviors will cease my treatment team will dismiss me and I will live happily eternal ever after like a normal person and none of this will be remembered. Or maybe when I become a parent to my child things will lighten up.

We all have lived the “maybe when…” thoughts and all the maybe when’s just exist as mere feelings of lies, disappointment and self hatred.

So what carries us over into the one moment? That you find within yourself to say “I am tearing off the mask, my life is glorious”.

Finding your “now” moment.

For all of us the “now” is the hardest. Our disorder is going to use the negative emotions to hide our true selves. There is a “now” moment in all of us, we have to be willing to let nothing stand in our way of freedom.

Part of working as a nursing assistant full time in Intensive Care in one of the top regional hospitals of the Kentucky state I see a lot of drug abuse, respiratory and heart failure patients. Like us their illness just didn’t hit them over night. At every moment I am with my patients no matter if their sedated or not I created a patient relationship like any other treatment team would have with their patients. One early morning I was talking to one patient who was withdrawing from drug abuse. The patient was talking about their young children. My last words to my patient was, “take care of yourself because your children need their daddy especially come their wedding day”. At that moment was my “now” moment. I thought about what I said to my patient “take care of yourself”. As a bride to be in just two months (November 2015) my fiancé is going to want to marry me and I want to marry my fiancé. My daddy is going to want to walk me down the aisle- and I couldn’t be more excited for that daddy/ daughter moment.  I still have plans to complete my nursing degree. As well as my fiancé and I have plans to have a family one day. Lastly, I still have plans to be the best Aunt I can be to my niece, one day she will need me and I want to be there when she calls for me. In other words, I am needed in all aspects of life and so are you. And I may still be working on recovery and I may have a slip up somewhere. Do you ever wonder how you fall seven times and stand up eight? You keep trying and you hold on to your support team no matter how mad you can be at them – they’re used to it and you will thank them later on. Then you keep your “now” moment written upon your heart and let your treatment team know all about your “now” moment and shout it to the world! And finally, accept where you are in recovery and in life because “loving ourselves through the process of owning our own story is the bravest thing we will ever do.”  -Brene Brown

About the Author

Born and raised from Nashville, TN Devin is 23 years old. She was treated at Scales Nutrition and Wellness Center as well as The Renfrew Center both in Nashville, TN. Devin currently is proudly recovering with her team at a SNWC as well as with Reba Sloan in Nashville. She has struggle with anorexia since she was twelve years old. Devin is a graduated of Middle Tennessee State University. Received her BS in kinesiology. She has plans within the next two years to go back and complete her RN. Devin’s hobbies are art, reading, writing and enjoying the great outdoors with her husband to be!