Topic Tuesday: True Self

“The Road to Recovery”, (By: Elizabeth Jordan)

There is not a day that goes by that I do not look at food and think of my past. It almost all seems as if it was a dream in comparison to where I am now. It was a dream that was a nightmare.

I was thirteen when my struggle with anorexia nervosa became very clear to my parents; I had gone from a size fourteen to double zero in a short period of time. I was admitted to the hospital after trying for so long to cooperate with other professionals and my family. I was in a very dark and vulnerable state. Eventually, after doing all they could, my parents decided to admit me into the hospital, so I could receive immediate care. It turns out, my body was in worse shape then they thought. My heart and organs had already showed signs of suffering from lack of nutrition and food. The doctors had to give me a feeding tube, along with other things to assure my body could at least get to a point where it could function. Even still, I fought the doctors and did not want to adhere to what they asked of me. However, it was not myself that brought me into a mind-set of recovery, my motivation was found in the tears of my father, the hugs of desperation from my mother, the words of concern from my sisters, and the looks of hopelessness from anyone who loved me. My drive was my family and the hope of having a family of my own one day.

Yes; I was in the very midst of an illness that was trying very hard to steal my life. It came very close, but obviously.. it didn’t. I took my life back. I am now twenty-one years old and about to graduate from college next year. My family and I did not know if this day would ever come, but because of my trial and circumstance, I now see my life in a completely new light. I see life in a perspective that has brought me such freedom and joy.

With that being said, different hardships and life-altering situations have happened since my past struggle with anorexia . However, I have remained “just as I am” regardless of the pits that seem to trip us when we least expect it. I share some of my story in hopes that you can understand where I am coming from in the actual “point” of this entire blog. And that point is to simply say, “embrace all that you are—you ARE beauty”. Yes, we are all “on this road to deceiving ourselves and our purpose”, but we know enough about ourselves to know what we–believe, how we think, how we feel, and our values and interests. With that being said, we have to understand that beauty is not something to be consumed or created..it is something someone should just be. You, as you are now, reflect beauty; there is no one like you.

I often have to remind myself of this simple truth. Sometimes we all just need a little reminder that beauty is in fact something that is neither to be acquired or consumed. Rather, it is found in the grace point between what hurts and what heals, between the shadow of tragedy and the light of joy. Beauty is found in scars, in the cry of a small child, and in the simple things. It is something that is so simple to understand, and yet, I think many of us just need that small reminder. It is often the smallest  thing that pushes us to live the most.

“It is up to you to see the beauty of everyday things..”

“Be who you are, not what the world wants you to be”

“You do not have to have it all figured out to move forward”

“Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself”

Elizabeth Jordan is a junior at Trevecca Nazarene University in Nashville, Tennessee. She is a Worship Arts major and Social Work minor. She was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa at the age of thirteen. Her experience with the illness has created in her a passion to work and help others dealing with similar circumstances. She plans on using her degrees to focus on the issue of eating disorders and assure that the truth is always communicated and lives are transformed and changed. Also, her hope is that she can somehow intertwine her passion for leading worship with her passion for helping others who are enveloped in this life-threatening illness or who are in danger of its development in their life.