Topic Tuesday: Recovery
“I Welcome In…” (By: J’Nae Fincannon)
I welcome in my integrity. I welcome in my truth. I have an eating disorder. It’s debilitating, insidious and toxic. Ed (my eating disorder) has robbed me of my very essence. He strangled me of moments that will never be returned. I’ve missed love; reunions; career advancement; parties; connection; performances; companionship; laughter; vacations; opportunities; intimacy and most of all, my inner peace. I’ve missed it all. And what have I shouted for 18 years?
Silence. Nothing. You see my huge, Texan smile. You hear my constant jokes. You hear my soulful voice. But, you’ve never known the truth… until now. My secret is out. I used to consistently cry to my parents and therapist saying, “I’ve wasted 18 years!” But truly, vulnerability and authenticity about my almost two decade experience, is what’s saving me. Nothing is wasted if I learn my lessons and use my pain for a greater cause. My truth is what got me in recovery. Being of service is what will keep me here.
How can I help myself? I let Ed go. I let go. I now have a higher purpose. I must think of that purpose when Ed is whispering or screaming in my ear. That purpose will save me. Now is the time. It’s simple but the most difficult mission I’ve ever endured. I will travel any length to be free. Nothing is more frightening that the thought of two, three or four more decades in the same prison. I will do the work to help myself, straight through to sanity.
Now, I welcome integrity. I refuse to stay sick in my secrets. My insides match my outsides. Yes, I have an eating disorder. But who am I?
I’m a survivor.
About the Author
J’Nae is a professional jazz singer/songwriter/pianist. She’s originally from Austin, Texas but has mostly lived in Los Angeles, CA. since 18 years old. She has her Bachelor’s Degree from the University of Southern California in Vocal Jazz and her Post Graduate from UCLA in Songwriting and Music Business. She just recently moved to Tennessee and is loving her home in East Nashville. She loves traveling and has even lived in Japan and India. She is currently finishing her first book about her recovery journey entitled, “Craving.” She is also in pre-production for her third album. Later this year, she will be obtaining her Yoga 500 hour Teacher Certification and is starting her Masters Degree in Mindfulness Based Transpersonal Psychology in June 2018. Her plan is to become a therapist who incorporates meditation, yoga and whole-person spirituality into eating disorder recovery. She has a 10 month old Maltese named Jazz that is the greatest doggie ever! Her hobbies include interior design, songwriting, silent meditation retreats and hanging with her parents, friends and fur baby.