Topic Tuesday: Recovery

“If Not Now, When?” (By: Hailey Zahurones)

There’s one question my treatment team asks me and that question is, “if not now, when?” This is a question I get so tired of hearing from them but it’s one that hits me the hardest. I’ve been one in the past to prolong the process of recovery because I have to find the “perfect time” for it. One day after a session, I left asking myself, “what am I really waiting for? Am I waiting for my doctor to tell me I’m dying? Am I waiting for the scale to hit the exact number I want? Am I really waiting for that perfect time?” If so, I’ll be waiting a long time because the reality is, there’s no perfect time to do recovery.

Recovery is one of those things you just have to take a leap into the fear, and un-comfortableness of it, which is a lot easier said than done. But not choosing recovery means continuing to live as a shell. It means continuing to live in the wrath of an eating disorder. It means more pain, more lost relationships, more health problems, more things you love are lost, and so on.

As I make the conscious choice of choosing recovery, I’ve found a joy I’ve never had. I’ve laughed more than I ever have. I’ve made more friends than I’ve ever dreamed. And I’ve found strength that I never thought I had. So, how many success stories do you need to hear before you write your own? Choosing recovery is hard, but it’s definitely worth the fight. So, if not recovery now, then when?

About the Author

Hailey is a preschool teacher from Murfreesboro. She was in treatment at Focus Treatment Center in Chattanooga and The Renfrew Center of Nashville. Hailey has struggled with anorexia since she was 13 years old and plans to go back to college in the future to major in Psychology specializing in Eating Disorders.