Topic Tuesday: Recovery
“Can I Really Trust The Process?” (By: Peggy Miller)
Throughout my own recovery journey, my team would tell me countless times to trust the process- that how I was feeling was not how things would be forever. Honestly, I did not believe them a lot of times. However, it did help me to hear from those who had walked this path before be that recovery was possible, and I hope that this blog post can encourage you in a similar way.
So, here a few parts of the process that I have found I can trust, and I hope my story can encourage you.
I remember feeling early in my recovery that I would never not feel “crazy” around food. I didn’t think it was possible to not constantly be thinking about every bite, every ingredient, if you were eating just the right amount, etc. I did not think it would ever be possible to not have eating disorder urges and to be around fear foods without using behaviors. Several years of hard work later, I am here to tell you that all these things are true. I can now be around and enjoy a variety of foods without my eating disorder calling the shots, and I can be present with myself and those around me during a meal.
I remember feeling like I would never be comfortable in my body. I could not trust my team when they said that I wouldn’t feel like I wanted to crawl out of my skin all the time. Does that feeling still come up some? Yes, but more days than most my body is not the number one thing on my mind. The more important thing now is truly living my life in the body I have been given.
I remember struggling so much to believe that I could trust my body to not suddenly gain weight with any variation from “safe” eating. Now, I can tell you from experience that we can trust our bodies. They truly do know what to do with food- all kinds of food.
I remember feeling like the eating disorder voice in my head would never go away. I didn’t believe that it could ever get quieter after years of living with it. However, today sometimes it has a comment, but rarely do I hear it.
So, you might be asking now, how do I get there? Through the process? The thing is, recovery looks different for every single person. I can’t give you a timeline of when things will get better and easier.
But, I can tell you that you can trust your team. That recovery is possible. That every meal you eat, every thought you challenge, every appointment you show up to- these moments add up. Sometimes recovery feels endless, but it is possible.
Keep going, friend.
About the Author
Peggy Miller is currently a graduate student in Lipscomb University’s Masters in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. She is thankful for all those who have supported and encouraged her in her own recovery journey, and she is passionate about spending her life holding hope for her own clients and walking with them on the beautiful and messy journey of healing. In her free time, Peggy enjoys spending time with her dog, family, and friends. She loves good coffee, hiking, ice cream, and hugs.
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