Topic Tuesday: Recovery

“Joy” (By: Martha Myers)

As I enter my ninth month of recovery from bulimia, I experience more episodes of “aha” moments and appreciation for the simple fact of being alive. This is so different than the decades of depression and isolation that culminated in a plan for suicide, then a call to an eating disorder treatment center for help.

I had been so obsessed with judging myself based on what types of food I ate and how much food I ate that I had no time or energy to focus on my current reality.  And when I would finally break down and binge after days of restriction, I would beat my self up for being “a pig” with no self control. It was a vicious cycle that gave me no rest.

Through my time in treatment, I became aware of all the ways that my eating disorder robbed me of the ability to connect with my feelings and with other people in an open, honest, way. I learned how to identify the feelings that I had used the eating disorder to avoid, and to honor them without getting swallowed up in them. I learned how to counteract the negative self-talk in my mind  with positive affirmations like, “I am worthy of love”, “I am human and I am allowed to make mistakes”, and, “I deserve to take care of myself”.

Gradually, the hard work of recovery began paying off. My depression lifted, and food became my friend instead of an enemy. I no longer looked in the mirror with self-loathing. I found that I was able to stay in the present moment more  instead of ruminating about the past or worrying about the future.  One day as I was walking to work, and was furiously worrying about the upcoming workday, I glanced down at the ground where a few pretty flowers had sprung up in the grass beside the sidewalk. Suddenly, the words to the song, “It’s a Wonderful World” came to my mind and I started singing as I enjoyed the view along my walk:

I see trees of green, red roses, too,
I see them bloom, for me and you,
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue, and clouds of white,
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world.

That joyful experience is one of the rewards of the hard work of recovery and one that I expect to have more and more of as time goes by. I wish the same for all my fellow warriors in recovery!

“What a Wonderful World”
Published By
Lyrics © CARLIN AMERICA INC, BMG RIGHTS MANAGEMENT US, LLC, IMAGEM U.S. LLC

About the Author

Martha Myers is a registered nurse who lives in Franklin Tennessee. She loves learning and sharing all things related to recovery. Her greatest desire is to leave a legacy of love, healing and hope to her children and grandchildren.